Return to the Ghost Island (Facing Your Childhood Fear)

The road felt longer than earlier — the endless landscape of different fields in various dark and light green and gold hues. Rich forests and blue lakes glare together along the sun’s rays. I had found myself many times thinking about this place. This island has had a special meaning to me during my childhood, and it has never left my heart. However, there is something that I saw as six years old. This occasion left powerful traces in my mind. That was the first time my grandmother introduced me to the other side.

Facing Your Childhood Ghosts

This journey awakened my senses. I was exploring the environment intensively like a snail in the rain. When I started to get closer to the island, I saw dark clouds approaching me quicker than I had ever seen before. However, the light was also reflecting on the horizon, and I decided that the good would win this time.

As I turned my car into the last road, my eyes hit the number sign. The sign of the house was upside down, and my heart started bouncing at extra speed. I would have turned around if the house number had been anything else but 555. But instead, I started recording with my camera and continued driving the road to the house.

When I came to the house, it looked like an old red farmhouse. But I sensed the spirit that it had inside. I felt reluctant to step out of the car, feeling all those emotions that went through me. I had come a long way, and this place ended my summer retreat. On this island, my childhood fears started, and this would be the place to have my closure.

Your Mind Can Trick You

As I was walking a path to the beach, it was full of tall grass, and I saw all my favorite flowers from childhood. I smelled the same smells, but it did not feel the same. Whenever I saw cat bell, it reminded me of my grandmother. It has always been one of my favorite flowers.

The pier looked the same as earlier. Just a bit more run-down because no one was taking care of this place now. I was ready to jump into the water and have my last experience swimming there. But, I suddenly stopped when I saw something growing on the surface. This green alga was covering the entire surface.

When I started to look closer, something big was growing beneath the water. It was full of some underwater plants, and there was no go. It felt like the lake invited me on a swim where those green things turned into a thousand hands that wanted to catch me and never let go.

I was staring at the front door of the house. The white wooden door called me to step in. The air of the house smelled unused, but I still smelled those old smells that were different in each room and a variety of fabrics, reminding me of my grandmother and grandfather, who were both on the other side.

Stairs kept the usual noise when I went upstairs to a room where things had happened the second time. As a teenager, I got a second confirmation that we were not alone in this world. However, this time, it seemed like a standard room. Exploring all those rooms had wet my eyes, and I was missing my grandparents and those precious childhood memories. Still, I didn’t want to stay there. I needed to get out fast.

Monsters are Always Bigger in Our Minds

Writing this blog, I’m sitting laptop in front of me on this worn chair on an old veranda. Big windows show a view of the lake. The story is about this island, so this was the only place to write it. I have been thinking about doing this for a long time. Part of me knew I needed to face these fears I had been thinking about all these years.

From my father’s side, my family has a history of farming. This island is hiding more secrets and untold things than I can imagine. Stories about the past are about hard work, brutal winters, disciplined parents, and unfair treatment. That’s part of what I have heard. Not everyone here had got that respect that they would have earned. Unfortunately, one of those people was my grandmother.

Stories always have two sides, and the one that my father passed me was darker. My grandmother was the light of this island. Her spirit of goodness kept the bad away as long as she lived. However, when she passed away, something changed dramatically, and my dad and I sensed this turn very strongly.

Morning Makes Big Shadows Disappear

Many times we see our fear as more extensive than it is. These shadows become like enormous creatures dancing on the wall. However, those reflections of our minds are born from tiny objects. When the morning came, they disappeared, and there was nothing to fear.

There was something sinister about the night I spent here. My soul was restless, and although I tried to concentrate on the good spirit of my grandmother, the darker it got, the wilder went a party of shadows of evil. At one point, it was deadly silent. Not even the wind was blowing from the window nor any noise from nature. I was counting the minutes to see the sunrise.

Courage doesn’t mean that you don’t feel fear. It means that despite the fear, you take action. Doing this was necessary to move on in my life and get one haunting thing to its closure. I know there is something in your life that you need to face. I hope my story inspires you to meet those fearful things you have kept dragging with you all these years.

Importance of Having the Closure

My morning swim on an old spot where we used to swim with my brother and grandmother after feeding cows turned into an emotional roller coaster. Past hit me, and I saw my grandmother running in the meadow, laughing, and giving us so much love. Soon the storm arrived, and those memories turned into a mixture of hopelessness and confusion.

My grandmother’s last years were full of mental problems and heart issues. I couldn’t help wondering how a pure heart like hers gave up at age 70. There must have been a reason she went away 15 years before my grandfather.

Tears burst from my eyes, and the feeling of her life going through me stroked my entire body. I sensed all her happy and unhappy moments in a compelling way that I had never experienced before. Her past, our time together, and a memory of her life ending on one tragic night were mixed in this big moment.

With going through these heavy emotions, there was also a message that I needed to hear. My grandmother’s voice inside my head told me I was following the right path, and her spirit was living through me. My purpose was to continue spreading this good spirit to other people through my talent and, one step at a time, make this world a better place for everyone.

I had given this island one more chance to prove its place in my life. Now I knew what I needed to do. I closed my laptop and got into my van. I started driving slowly, looking in the rearview mirror and seeing my grandparents on the road waving at me for the last time. Tears were still bursting from my eyes when I turned my look ahead and smiled. This place will always be part of my past, but it is not part of my future.

In memory of Anja Annikki Rantakallio (01.09.1932–28.11.2002)

With love,
Jenna

Founder of Thejennablog, Author of ‘The Scammer’s Trap’

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